UNCLE CHE, Happy Birthday!

Once in our life there is someone to come that we never expect, we never expect that his presence has a purpose, why we meet this certain individual?

This is one reason that we need to be acquainted and to acknowledge. Recognizing a certain person that became part in our life, though, it takes only a few moments, it’s already a big piece that we never forget in our entire life.

How can I say THANK YOU? How can I share those things in return to this person whom I like to contribute in return? That, once in my life, I am acquainted with. They say, “A Friend will come in your life, because God knows that you need a Friend today to lean on.”

Hmmmm.. “He is talk of the town”, why because my friend Ellaine, I mean LAINY of Lainy's Musing, shared with me about this person, I guessed when she started blogging, she never stopped talking about this certain individual, she totally appreciated him, a reason why I got interested to know this someone, until the day comes, last year before the end of December, I suffered from unexpected trouble from the decision that I made, Lainy introduced this person with me through online, the purpose is to asked some advices from him since, I am totally bothered with the feelings that I had, Yes, I really need someone to help me that moment, I can’t even controlled myself crying since, I am guilty, I don’t really know if my decision is right or wrong, and…

We started talking and I really feel comfortable while were chatting, this person that I am talking is everybody’s friend, I know bloggers, know him too and he is one of the friendly type of person and one of the famous in this kind of world. All people of this blogsphere called him UNCLE CHE a Certified Professional Blogger with the following sites:

azblogging.com

novicemaster.com

I really feel the kindheartedness of UNCLE CHE when the first time that we talked and chatted; I admired him of his being keened. He touches my heart and helps me to space out the guilty feelings that I felt that time; He has a great wisdom, a wisdom that helps me a lot to recover myself from culpable era. He helps me to clear the issue, He let me understand the different reason towards that person, involved, and finally I was healed and the guilty feelings gone away.

Since, I occupied his presence that moment, I asked his helping hands to help me regarding my domain that I bought three months ago and I couldn’t use it since a lot of instruction to read, for a second time. I have a lack of time and I have no idea about this stuff, I asked UNCLE CHE to get it through, WOW!! Amazing!!! Yes, because UNCLE CHE messages me with a great smile saying “VILMA you can use now your domain, from star-chuu.blogspot.com to star-chuu.net.” that’s the new life of star-chuu.net, He is my first followers of my blog, although I am poor in writing,…He still appreciated me.

Uncle Che, this is my time to thank you for your good heart and kindness. With this especial day February 29, 2009 (hmmm…sorry I need to add 29 in my Calendar,lol), I know this is a very especial day because this day is your BIRTHDAY, without this date, your not exist, I would rather say, thanks for your mom and dad because they form you and make you a great person. And to our Father above, because you as a person, He made you especial, a heart that full of love, within you and your family and loveones (your baby Louella) and the UNIQUENESS within you is the greatest gift from ABOVE. You’re the Blessing to everyone. Thank you so much because I became part of them as one your friend.

FOR MY FELLOW BLOGGERS

Almost a month that I am getting hard for my blog lay-out, my daughter change my lay-out for how many times, but there still a problem in it. I tried to fix the problem but my time and effort still worthless. I am getting tired about it. My blog is poor in content and not appreciated, I want to say sorry for those who followed me for some annihilation, maybe there is something from me to change, and more open, I tried to comment from the post that I read and I appreciate which is dearly touched my heart. But it seems, there is something they didn't like maybe because of some reason, they refused, I just want to say sorry for that.

I am still learning more things in this blog sphere, and I am hoping and expecting that I meet new friends to share my thoughts, my experience, and my life. To all my readers and followers, thank you so much for the warm welcome and for the comments and greetings in my chat box. I enjoyed too much to be part in this kind of world.

Writing is not my passion, but since through writing I express all my feelings, and this is now part of my life, how busy I am , tired from my work, I still share my 20% time to put myself in front of my desktop, just to read and make a drop to my favorite blogs.

For my readers, hope for your understanding and patience. May God bless you all and once again I want to THANK YOU for visiting my pitiable blog.

Depression she Got!

Now, I can’t deny the fact that I can’t hold back the time, when I become a mother, the only one thing in my heart is to LOVE my beloved daughter and offer her the best life that I want to be, but since, I failed to have a happy family, I no longer know how could handle her life or balance her life being the only mom and dad beside her since ten years old to date.

In the first stage of knowing each other is so hard for us to determine, there is a time that I want to capitulate those weighty feelings, when I look up her while she is sleeping. We started our life living in a very small corner of blocks, only the bed, and no light in the night, no door to be opened and closed, no kitchen for food preparation, the important for us is we have bed for resting.

As a mother, I need to find things in order to survive; I got a job with a low salary, and accepted all part-time jobs to occupy all my time working, as a housekeeper, bookkeeper, and a volunteer in a different establishment. Being a busy mom, I can’t longer know what happened to my daughter, every time I went into my working place she was asleep the same when I came back home. Sometimes, I found her crying and it made me goaded, I have no time to talk with her, or don’t know what happened to her even her studies. There was a difficulty between us as a mother and a daughter connection, I want her to understand the situation, but it was so hard to explain since she is very young to experience the trouble created by his father, perhaps, all those circumstances was injected in her mind and affected me too much now. Why?

After three years, I am already employed as a secretary and a reason why I stopped my part-time jobs, gradually, I finished my studies for 1 and ½ years and graduated last 2007, the same my relationship towards my daughter getting good and were become a good friend. I had already given my time with her, we bonded sometimes by watching movies, ate in the different restaurants, small shopping and sports.

But, one day, when I came back home, I found her crying again, it was not in my mind that she felt bad that time, we talked and shared what are the whole things happened around her school and in my work premises, a way for us to communicate each other, she started to crying while she is explaining the events happened between her and her best friend. she asked me to look her arms, and when I checked it, there was a number of fresh gash in her left arms. I asked her who made that one, and she told me, she made it, because she thought that she hurt the feelings of her best friend, she felt upset because she hurt somebody and that’s her reason why she hurt herself, I started crying, and I shout in front of her, and begging her not to do it again, I feel afraid about my daughter’s situation, immediately comes in my mind that she has a suicidal attempt which made me stressful until now.

Again, before the Valentine’s Day, I found her again crying; I comforted her and talked to her seriously, the same reasons her friends, she said she felt guilty, because she guessed she hurt the feelings of her friend, which is not true, I let her talked and let her understand the situation, I told her to be strong, and control her emotions. I asked her if she is willing to meet the psychiatry then she asked me to help her.

After this things happen, it was a coincidence she said, she found a book of depressions and she read the contents. She shared it with me, she said, all those symptoms of a person who have a SUICIDAL ATTEMPT. I talked to her seriously, “she said I got this feeling when I saw my father striking you, since I am a child that time, I can’t help you and even begging him to stop, those things was implanted in my mind every time I saw you crying for ache and craving for help for this reason, I can’t even voice out the pain of our yesterday in my heart, secondly, when you have no time with me in my grade school since you are busy looking a job and working even day and night. If I have a problem between my friends in my school premises, you’re not beside me, and I have no one to talked only myself, which is I am full of hatred and frustration, but mom, I love you and I want to survive against this feelings, I am glad because you are there beside me, you let me understand now the situation, I need to fight this depression without taking any medicine, but through our PRAYERS and our LOVE, I believe that I can SURVIVE, God will abide us and He will never forsake us ”

Yes, I am very careful about my daughter’s feeling, I believe that we both survive this kind of situation, my daughter is a very sweet and loving, she is a very understanding and like me, she don’t even know how to hate. It is unfair with her, why in her young age, she experience things which is not suitable for her, she never enjoy her young life, but, I can’t hold back the time, I can’t even change my Tomorrow, Today is the beginning of our Life, a life that we need to take care, because Life is a precious gift from God, a life that we need to enjoy here in the world until our time will end. The end of our life here in the world is the beginning of our Life with God.

FLASHBACK !!!

Php 350.oo for BEV.

As a student, do you believe that Php350.00 is enough for you to spend as one week allowance? How much did you spent everyday in your foods during break time? How much did you spent for your fare from home to school vice versa? How much did you spent for your school projects? How much???? a questioned that I can't answer because of this amount supported by my daughter's father in her everyday allowance, deffinitely, he sent a message to my daughter when she asked for an additional allowance for school fees, but he answered back, "ask to your mom because I can't bear anymore all the expenses we made here with my family, you have 4 sisters and 1 brother that I need to support", sigh' ..pity on him..

I already decided to make an action against him, but finally I can't do it because my daughter begging me again. A mother's heart, so, I need my patience about this matter.

Anyway, it's money matter, I can also find ways for Bev's need, I know God is there to supply all our needs. I don't want to bruise the heart of my daughter, I understand her feelings and what she wants is to have a peace in life.

JUSTICE in God's Hand.

I felt depressed when I recall and reread the agreement between me and my daughter's father, according with our previous agreement we signed, back in the year 2002. Our final agreement in front of the Women’s Desk in this city, stating that:

1. He will support with the amount of Php100.00 per day for our daughter everyday which was equivalent to Php3,000.00 per month;
2. Since we have a conjugal property, He will leave the house and I and Bev will stay in our home, we called;

3. He will provide two (2) brand new computer units and one (1) unit of printer to use for a new business that I will put up;

4. He provide her needs for her school and medication in case she is in ill;

5. He will keep some money in her bank if necessary;

6. Lastly, I will not take any charge against him if he provides the above agreement we signed.

The above agreement duly made for the security of my daughter’s future. Paradox, in view of her father as he did not follow the agreement that we signed, how many times that I complained it to the Woman’s Desk but they advised to informed and complained it to the office of the Barangay (we called it “LUPON”). I complained and accused him bigamy and Adultery for his woman of whom they both stayed in our conjugal house that time.

When I saw his face for begged, my heart touched and I didn’t continue the case, when we talked and it seems that I felt pity that time because of his face and uneasy reactions, I let him go what he wants and never complained again, I promised not to take any against him, although he couldn't support our daughter.

When I talked to my daughter about his father, she begged me not to accused his father, nor let him put in the jail, it’s a shame in her if everyone around her could knew that her father is in prison, He doesn’t want to suffer his father because she said, although his father is like that, though he had a lot of children in different woman, she still loves her father.

Justice, that’s what I want in my part, but as a mother, I still listen of what my daughter’s heart told, I know she’s longing the love of a father and affection, which I can’t do it alone, but I tried all my best that I gave all my part as her mom and dad.

Hence, JUSTICE is far from me, this verse reminds me as His message:

Psalm 7:8-11: The Lord shall judge the people: judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness, and according to mine integrity that is in me. Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end: but establish the just: for the righteous God tireth the hearts and reins. My defense is of God, which saveth the upright in heart. God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked everyday. AMEN.

Although, it is a toughed one for me to accept those unjust things done to me by my daughter’s father. I need to accept and let myself to forget because according to Him: at Psalm 6: 9-10: The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer. Let all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed suddenly.

Tong Hua lyrics English version

Forgot how long it's been
since I last heard you
telling me 'bout your fav'rite story
thought for a long time,
began to worry.
Is it me who did something wrong?

You cried and said to me
that fairytales are all just lies.
I couldn't be your fairytale prince.
but you don't understand
since you gave me your hands
stars in my sky began to shine.

I'm willing to change into
The angel in those fairy tales
Just turn my arms into wings and hold you near.
You must believe, believe that we will be like a fairytale,
ending with happiness and love.

You cried and said to me
that fairytales are all just lies.
I couldn't be your fairytale prince.
but you don't understand
since you gave me your hands
stars in my sky began to shine.

I want to be your fantasy
The angel that you used to love.
Just turn my arms into wings and hold you near.
You must believe, believe that we will be like a fairytale,
ending with happiness and love.

I wish to be your fantasy.
The angel that you used to love.
Just turn my arms into wings and hold you near.
You must believe, believe that we will be like a fairytale,
ending with happiness and love.

Many decades have passed, the heart that was stimulated by those fairy tales now seems to have belonged to someone else. As a woman I still long for relationship and quest, I longs to be the Beauty of some great story. But the wishes set deep in my heart seem like lavishness – fixed only to those women who get their acts together.

This is the song that I keep in my heart, a fairytale song of my heart, for someone who shared the love who is already locked my heart . I love you so much and hope to see you again. Although I cannot own you in my present, I believe that in our next life we can own each other, behind this love that we have will end forever and we become happy in our NEXT LIFE. My dear, this is for you...I love you and I miss you so much.

Cheers to the Victors!!

After the blog contest relevant to David Pomeranz concert, had reached its deadline, the much awaited day for the recognition of the winners came.

I would like to congratulate the winners and those who didn't make it up to that five top list. Please visit this site...for the full story. Once again congratulations and God bless us.

An exceptional role to play.

The frenzied world frequently weakens the role of the “MOTHER”. A mother can feel their lives by nurturing their children are less splendid, less divine, less important than others, but truthfully, the most exceptional, crucial, prevailing, life-Impacting role conceivable is being a mother.

I am one of a kind loving mother to my one and only daughter dreaming and hoping for her best future is one of the greatest prayers that I asked from God above. Mothers love and long for their children. My hearts ache for her, over her. A mother’s heart-enlarged by all and endures with and through her child’s life, all she rays and works and hopes for on her child’s behalf bleeds too.

When I found my daughter's (pls. click here for the entire story) crying, and she talks to me about the event happened in their school premises, just today. It’s another heartache that I felt. But, I tried all my best to make her calm and I proffer my hands for hug and kiss. And then, we proceed to the church to attend the prayer meeting.

A mother long to defend their children from the soreness and violence of this world and though we can do much, we cannot do all. When our children suffer or make bad choices..a mother’s hearts bleed and ache.

TOP DROPPERS

Thank you so much for my Top Ten Droppers who visited my page, I owe you tons. I know its hard to make 300 drops per day but still, you didn't miss dropping EC on my page.God Bless You!!