BaTtered Wife..BiTter Life...

I was been separated for almost five years and how far I am now? Since, I am trying to forget my past. I can’t even imagine how I survived in that kind of cruelty done by my ex-hubby who delivered me in a tremendous part of my life.

I was married in my early stage at my age nineteen, they said I am still a baby of which I need more things to learn, I though early marriage could change my life unto better life..but it’s irony, instead became a bitter life. I though love can learn, but its not, maybe because your partner did not gave any effort to respond of what you offer.

For almost nine years of marriage, I remember when I got pregnant for my first baby, it’s tearing me up, it just like bruised in my heart when I remember that my x-hubby never cared about my pregnancy. I never experience those what the husband who taking care of their wife if they are pregnant, as they are very careful for the needs of their wife, they offered love and affection with their wife and they are responsible by giving them medications and nutrition foods for their wife and for the baby in the womb.

I never though that early marriage is a disruption of my dreams and my goals of my life. I became the prisoners of my fear, I don’t even know how to fight my rights, I kept silence for I am afraid that some of my friends and my family would knew the real things happened with me. Keeping this thing is made me crazy and fool…because I am afraid that they will not believe me and no one will understand me. My x-hubby is a witty persons, He really knows how to target my weaknesses and these are the things affected my being…

* Emotionally distress, I can’t fight my emotions, even to control it, I am always crying and crying, no one who can understand my feelings, no one who eager to listen what I felt before, this is the worse thing that I never forget, It was so sad that I have nothing when I married my x-hubby, I am poor, what I have is my physical attraction. He did not listen what I felt, I never forget when I cried like a baby sitting down in the highway and lying there just to let him show that he hurt me. But he ignored it, he never listened what I felt, instead he shouted and telling me to stop crying. I am a dumb…yes..because I don’t even know how to fight my right…that’s what my problem before, I can’t even know how to voice out what inside my heart and my mind but instead I do crying.

* Physically and mentally abused, he stroke me physically, all of the sudden he gave me the two moon in my two eyes, while doing that one, he accused me that I have another man, and he wanted me to tell if his mind is correct, which is that time he was high from drugs. I am mentally abused in the sense that he wanted to hear from me that his mind is correct, he gave me choices…and chances….I can’t forget the iron which he is ready to bump in my head while kneeling in his legs, as he told me…I will kill you, I will kill our daughter and your family and I will commit suicide if you will not tell me the truth. Those words….made me trouble…but I kept praying that time…asked God what to do because I don’t know how to fight against him. The only thing in my mind is..I need my life, I need to escaped in this kind of dilemma..so I decided to tell him..ok..if that’s what you want….I will tell you that your correct..I have a man…although my mind and my heart are against from what I confessed, after that, he stopped and he let me gone to slept and he said..ok..tomorrow is our new day we will start our new life.

S$xually abused – I suffered a lot from him, he made things that against in my mind, but I have no choice instead I followed what he wanted to do, this is the worse things that he made in my life, I am just like a pig that he can do what he wants, I have no right but became submissive of what he wanted, too bad…very bad…..

Long suffering – When I decided to leave from our house while he is still sleeping, I left my daughter in his side, but before I left the house, I prayed to our God protection for my daughter and guidance for me, and I trusted everything with Him. I went far away from my daughter although it was too painful as a mother leaving her daughter, but, I have a reason…better to leave with life, than to die, Leaving is worthy and I am correct, although I suffered a lot that time, I gave myself to think and decide for my life and for my daughter, after one month, I tried to contact my x-hubby and we have big fight through phone, as I heard that when I leave from our house, He brought his woman and the newborn baby they have. It’s too painful to hear, that’s the time I questioned God…why I experience this kind of life, which is not worth for me. Why I need to suffered like this I never remember that I did harm someone else. A lot of questions but then God gave me patience in my heart until I slowly understand what He wants me to know.

God gave me only eight months then He answered all my prayers. I realized that God never leave me, He never forsaken me, He is there when the time I decided to leave, He is there when I am in sorrow, He is my refuge and my strength and now He made my life and my daughter's life wonderful.

Lord, thank your so much for my past, you let me know how great full you are, you handled my life with care, you did not leave me alone, you gave me hope and now, I and my daughter living together with peace and harmony, thank you so much Lord for covering us with your love, for all the blessings you shower, Lord Thank you because you never forsake us. AMEN.