Sunday, July 24, 2011

This trouble me so much!!

I lost my hope to write and even to pursue myself to meet my dreams because of the trials comes on my way. After our travel to KL and SG I've been facing a hurtful decision that I never expected.
The secret escapade to KL and SG was a reason why the unfavorable decision of the head office became the contradict to all my plans. But, I did not mean that this would be a big falls for me, instead I accepted the challenge although it made me hurt. It was a hurtful but I still accepted it because I believed that God plans the best for me.

The only thing that made me felt down, when I saw my daughter and my mom who get hurt and they'd been hurt for me.  They heard some humors that they believed I was not deserved. Thought, it was unfair in my part. I  still stood and continued to fight my desire to recover from pain and trouble.

I think I have no time to cry. I need space but I can't do it until now. I am looking for my emotion so that I can release my feeling in other way.  But I observed that I earned hatred in my heart. I really hate what I felt now, I really hate to say that I am starting to hate and disrespect the person, who was the caused of  my downfall.  I thought, I need to stopped my work in that place, but I have no choice. I need to stay in order to survived.I still do my part in my work though the payback to me is less penny that I received than before I handled two jobs. 



I always said, the world is so unfair... my heart telling me, stopped, don't be hurt, instead forget and forgive.  Because this test should help you to find another way, everything would be ok.  How can I be ok? if i stayed and saw those people who make my life suffered.  Sometimes, I felt sorry of myself because the respect that I gave to him turned to hate and disrespect..but I still led myself to fight it. Because I don't want to dishonor this person, because he is one of the instrument of God, being one of the blessing that I had.  So, I decided to continue to be part in that place.  I ate my pride.  I forget my ego. What I did is I pray, I look for another source of income that would help my daughter's and son's need.  So be it...I've been very very closed with God.  This circumstances happened to me is a test of acceptance and God promises.

As He promise that He is there beside me. I will ended up in His word...

1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

Psalm 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

Psalms 16:8-9 NKJV I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. {9} Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope.

Psalms 31:24 NKJV Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD.

I have my God who are there who protected me all the time. God is my strength, He is my hope and I am not afraid to face the world because God always in my side.

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